Fried. Eggs.

[Click If You Hate Yourself]

I don't even want to know where this came from. I don't even remember where I found it, but the fact of the matter is I did. Also, as any other person would do, I had to share this pain with everyone else? Why? Because I had to waste my time and mind on this, and so will you okay? (Also, you are now breathing manually. And I am an a**hole)

I understand that we live in a society now that creates overnight sensations, viral videos whatever, about the dumbest things. But seriously, watch that video and I assure you you will most likely be emulating a ":O" emoticon whilst screaming, either out loud or in your head, the words:

"WHAT. THE. F***. IS. THIS."

 I have to let it out so I'm going to rant everything I can about this.... this... you know even I'm not comfortable typing that many curse words so I'll just begin if you don't mind?

 The Intro:

Yes, I agree. That was f'ing creepy. I love being greeted by a terribly horrific facsimile of Rebecca Black going "yeah, yeah" with someone in the background going "ah,ah,ah,ah,ah-who givesaf***" I mean seriously, am I the only person who found that disturbing? That's the kind of s**t that would make Chucky stare and go "Boy, that's kinda creepy."

"Dude, seriously..."

Also, this is where you are first introduced to her voice, if you can call it that.

Cereal!!!!:

This is the part you are drifted off into a wonderful land of happiness and magic that is her songwriting. She is a true blue lyrical wordsmith if ever there was one! Holy crap she's gotta get her bowl! She's gotta get her cereal. Yup. Deep man, deep. You just don't get it.

As a side note: Why in the hell did she bother saying she was going to the bus stop? I mean really, she mentioned it, said she "gotta catch my bus" and then just jumped in the car with her friends.

"Wait, let me get this straight, you thought this was a place where you get a bus?"

Also, it is clear here that she is quite special... I mean really, which seat DO you take? It is THAT important to know.

Watch out for the part where she stares at the camera and just goes: "Fun, fun, fun, fun." It brings to mind the ventriloquist dummies from those Goosebump books.

Rebecca Black Teaches Us How to Tell the Date:

This part of the video absolutely blew my mind! I was ashamed to admit I never learned how to tell what day of the week it was. I am proud to inform you all now that whenever you ask me what day it is I'll no longer have to tell you that earlier that day I consumed a 5 peso burrito from Mang Jose's Special Alleyway Burrito Corner and must run along to find the nearest bathroom. (or hole, whichever is more convenient) So remember kids, sing-a-long time! Yesterday was Thursday! Today is Friday! [P.S. Partyin'] Tomorrow is Saturday. And holy sh*t, Sunday comes after!

Oh wait. She didn't mention the other days... Ah f***. Good Evening Mang Jose.

"You would like very much the special sauce, yes? Hmm?"

Random Black Man Time:

Don't you know? Everything needs to have a black man now to be politically correct.

"You knew this was coming"

And with that, Rebecca Black drives the video home, regaling us with her wonderful chorus again.

And again.

And again.

Fried Eggs.

Fried Eggs.

...... *sob*, Fried Eggs.

Killmenow, please, Fried Eggs.... Fried Eggs....

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Image Sources:
1.) http://moodypanties.wordpress.com/2010/05/11/chucky-is-back-in-kuwait/
2.) http://radaris.com/p/Jose/Yan/
3.) http://tv.alumniroundup.com/?p=219